Last night Parker stayed home for the night as it is spring break. So today being a beautiful spring day we decided to head out for “family adventure day” We packed up the jeep and headed to the river for a fire and fresh air.
We had a great afternoon, Jackson felled some trees, Rachel chilled in the sunshine and Parker played in the jeep. We spent a couple hours enjoying nature and then in true B.C. fashion it began to rain. So we packed up and headed home. But not all of us. And this is the part that’s easy to forget. In moments when the 5 of us are together and we’ve had a great day, it’s easy to forget about the choice we made almost 2 years ago. The choice we made that had us today, like many other days, heading across town to drop Parker off at “his house” before the rest of us headed home.
In those moments the guilt comes flooding back at full force. The weight of our decision like a boulder crashing through our great day. I hate how sad he sometimes gets and especially when the tears start rolling down his face. I hate that our decision is the cause for his sadness. All I want to do is grab him and head straight for home and never look back. But it’s also easy to forget why we are here in the first place. Easy to forget the stress, frustration and helplessness that lead us to our decision in the first place.
Making that decision was by far the scariest and hardest thing we’ve done so far in our lives. But I try not to forget why we made it. I do not want to live with regret for not having done what we needed to be the best version of our family we could be.