Guilt is a b*#!h. 

We recently decided to take Rachel and Jackson on a trip. Just the two of them. One last trip before Rachel leaves for London in August (yikes!) but knew that bringing Parker along would keep us from doing many of the things on his brother and sisters  wish lists. 

Saying our lives have been kind of dictated by autism feels like a disservice to Parker. We have had a lot of amazing adventures together through the years. We don’t begrudge anything we’ve ever had to do for him and with him. But it would definitely be fair to say it has limited our opportunities to do certain things with Rachel and Jackson. It was a very difficult decision to plan this trip, knowing that a very important fifth of our family would not be coming along. There’s also a lot of shame in admitting our decision to do so. But at the end of the day we know our older kids are growing up super fast, and we won’t have the same chance to do this kind of stuff with them forever, before they move out and start families of their own. And Parker is going to be our side kick on many, many future adventures for as long as he wants to hang out with his uncool folks. 

So, while we are definitely leaving part of our hearts home when we leave today, we know Rachel and Jackson will enjoy having our undivided attention. 
P.S Parenting is hard AF. 
Tonja 

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